I have been living with my 84 years old mother for about eight years. When you live with elderly you can observe the marks of aging on a daily basis.
My mom has never been an easy-going person. As a caretaker in my late 40s and 50s, as an aging woman with MS, I have to admit that sometimes it bears me out. I find myself on the edge of explosion - in - with really harsh judgements going inside my brain. Trying to balance my thoughts and feelings is difficult. On the other hand, as I convince myself that all the negativites that spring from my mother's mood, her caprices and misunderstandings are mostly because of her aging. After all, isn't that as we age we lean onto childish tempers, and that all these are not about me.
The bro's at home help her cheer up, tough in short intervals. At least home smells joy and beats the negativity that comes in circles from my mother.
I need to spare more time to entertain her; but caring for the basic needs while trying to continue my everyday life by doing the things that I'd like to do I fall back in entertainment. MS keeps me back, too.
My mood fluctuates, it gets harder when pain takes allover my body; when the pills start to loose effect. Of course, fatigue is my almost all-time companion. It visits frequently without prior notice, insists on staying as long as possible; mostly succeeds in that.
For a couple of months the burden has increased, as the last day of August my mom fell and broke her left shoulder. It was so difficult for her; I leaned on my famous patience, making the most of the bro's, their playfullness, joy and never-ceasing innonence helped me to carry on.
Today, Milo is one and a half years old, and Pote is approaching this third year on the earth. Pote came home from a shelter; Milo from a construction site. They understand MS more than anyone human; accompany me in my long hours of sleep due to fatigue, help me to stand firm when my mood is down due to pain.
They also ask for care-work, which I am more than happy to pursue. The difference between caring for Milo and Pote and caring for an elderly who lives each day with multiple mood flucttuations and permanent dissatisfaction is that the former hug you with love consistently while the latter might be distracted in expressing which feeling and when. That is a cause for exhaustion - we all know, exhaustion is no good for life with MS, which is exhausting in and by itself.
So asks one of my dear friends, 'who will take care of you, dear?' The answer is right here - in the photo on the left.💜
My relation with mom has never been easy. Still, I am ok with living with her. This is my choice. After experiencing my late father's life with Alzheimer's I am determined not to let her go on her own and/or in a special facility.
My formula is to continue with my own preferences in everyday life as much as I can; go out with friends, engage in rights-based activism, read and write as much as I can - despite her complaints, Sometimes, she calls every half an hour, complaining about my absence, that I tend to leave her alone, talking about how ill she is, that the bro's are not well and wait for me...
As this world gets ever more brutal in many aspects, human rights violations, animal rights violations, violations of the right to live for almost all species, sometimes I wonder how people with a certain sense of conscience endure such brutality.
Well, I start everyday with pain, live everyday with pain and
fatigue, try to do things I love to do despite all the MS hurdles. I know what it means to be chronically sick and that I have to keep up my morale high.
This I take as a blessing!
